I don't get it.

Isn't it the guys job to be left wondering what on earth just happened? We see things so differently. We were having coffee and playing cards with some friends, having a grand ole time. I came on my motorcycle and he in his truck as I had a meeting to go to. So, I arrive later and we both leave at the same time. People are driving a little crazy and I feel safer with someone driving behind me that I KNOW notices me. And we're both headed home, so why not? So I ask Stephen to either follow me or I follow him.

Well, I ask him if we're going to meet in the front or the back of the parking lot. I don't get answer from him; I think he was confused by what I meant by "front" and "back" of the parking lot. OK, no worries. So, he wanders off to his truck and I grab my bike and pull it to the curb and wait. And wait some more. He still hadn't pulled around. I think maybe he went to the other side of the parking lot, toward the exit. I head off in that direction and still don't see him. OK. I figure he's left just ahead of me. I ride off and look around to catch up to him. He's not around, but then I see another couple that were having coffee and playing cards with us.

Cool, I'll just tail them. We get home and Stephen pulls up a few seconds behind me. He gets out pretty upset. He says that I deviated from the "plan." But that's the whole thing, we had no planned meeting point. We hadn't worked out what to do. And it really wasn't a huge deal. He had apparently been boxed in by two trucks and hadn't left the lot until after I did. But he's upset that I hadn't called him. But it seems to me that he had more information than I did. He could have easily called me.

Then he starts talking about how he was hurt because me thinking he left the lot without me shows that I don't trust him. Ehhhh? To me it seems like a minor incident of incomplete communication. But it's this whole huge deal now. How did this become a trust issue?

Sigh.

Busy Burdened Bees

I can say this has been a relatively shitty month for me, but I know people out there have it a lot worse. And all in all, it's still a good life. I'm at that stage in life where all my friends are moving on to that next stage, physically and mentally. The physical part is the hardest. I miss 'em, plain and simple.

Stephen and I have have had a series of aches and injuries that has made us snappy with each other. Sex? What's sex? I realize now how many activities rely on him on his back. Sitting on your face? Nope. Ok, sit up a little and I'll ride you. Nuh uh. Well, damn, how about a nice blowjob? Denied. Of course there are other positions. And of course those neatly coincide with the pain from my sprained ankle.

Now there was like a 3 day period of pure fuck glory wherein we could bear the pain of our respective injuries. And then Aunt Flo decided to drop by.

Anywho. We're trying to decide where to go for our honeymoon. We were thinking a couples resort would be nifty. Couples resort not meaning a swing fest. Just somewhere there aren't kids or so many horn dogs trying to pick up chicks for the night or drunk bitches puking everywhere. Is that so much to ask? Yeah, probably.

dirty bloopers

You know, there are a lot of advice out there about couples spicing up their sex life--approaching the topic, ideas, implementation, etc.--then the inevitable success story about how great the experience was. What about those failure stories, though? How many couples jump into suggestions on how to renew their sexual vigor or however they put it and their partner is still lounging on the sexual patio.

Not that it's like Stephen is not into trying new things, he's all for it and introduces fun techniques, toys, positions and such. But well, he's a lot more confident than I am. He's had tons more experience. But not every trick works for every couple, I see.

Last night after a couple hours of pounding and licking and sucking I thought that right then would be a great time to talk dirty. Right when he was coming. Well, I think I made my dirty questions a little too complicated because he actually had to focus on what I was saying and try to formulate a response. Thinking and coming don't really go well together, apparently. So he lost it. And I felt terrible. And embarrassed. And more than a little silly.

Lesson learned: When talking dirty, or attempting to, ask "yes" or "no" questions or better yet just make statements. Also, it's more of a build up exercise. When he's coming, hush and just enjoy it.

HNT

Doesn't he have lovely eyes? Happy HNT!

Craziness

I'm realizing now how insane the argument Stephen and I had was. Or rather, my argument. Basically, we were a few words from breaking up because I didn't think I was special enough for him. So, I was willing to let the relationship end against his will because of some notion that I'm not good enough. Even if he disagreed. Heh. That's pretty fucked up right there. Fortunately, I'm only completely irrational once every few months or so.


I did come across this fantastic picture. I viewed the picture at is downloaded slowly, so it was revealed to me top to bottom. I don't believe I've ever seen a sexier picture. It's my desktop background and even now I pore over every detail. It's like reading a really good book with plotlines, climax, anticlimax..the works. It has absorbed me. I've viewed it several times and still find something new every time. Absolutely delicious.

The Dating Game

I never went on dates. I was always that "smart girl" or that "good girl" or whatever. Guys don't realize at that age that those are the freaky ones. So, guys apparently thought I was working out some nerd equations in my head or thinking about how I may please the lord today. The latter wouldn't be too far off as one of my favorite fantasies in high school had to do with pleading to get an A and willing to do "anything." Heh. Cheesy yeah, but it got me through many class periods quite entertained.

Back on topic. I never dated in high school or college. Stephen and I were friends first through messengers and when he came back into town, the rest was history. There was no pursuit, he already had me. So, I have no game. Why would I need game? Well, to attract another couple, girl, or guy to play with us, of course.

How does this work? Sure, I can flirt with girls just fine and they seem to like me well enough. Girls are easy. I know girls. But try getting one interested in you and your SO. Especially since we're so different. He being older and white, me being younger and black. There seem to be an endless horde of people on the internet looking for polyamorous couples and even decent looking, but I'll be damned if they come outside to play.

It just reminds me of my other friends that lament about how dirty the dating pool is. And it's true! All we are looking for is another couple or single person that is intelligent, atleast slightly attractive, and sane. Most couples out there are looking for a quick fuck, something to spice up a lagging relationship. We want someone that can be friends first. People with whom we can expand our relationship. Sit back and drink a brew, play pool, or just bounce ideas around. Is it really that hard to find?

And if they come with lots of hot, sweaty, kinky sex on the side...well, I'm not going to complain.

Cell Phone Blues

So, my cell phone is lost/stolen. I really should look into one of those programs that downloads all the numbers onto the harddrive. Sigh. Oh, well hindsight is 20/20.

There was an amusing development earlier today. I dropped Stephen off at work and borrowed his cell phone to call around town, call the phone company, call people that probably called me, etc. I'm having a delicious nap after a rough night and a day of worrying about my phone. BUT I did take extra care to set his ringer on the "LOUD" setting WITH vibration AND set it three inches from my eye ball. All was dandy. Well, when it comes time for him to wander on back home, he sends me an IM telling me to come get him. *Zzzzz* Another saying he was heading home. *Zzzzz* He eventually ends up walking the mile or so back home in 90+ degree temperatures. Blech.

He gets home and looms over the bed where I'm just waking up and asks me to ask him how he got back home. It takes a few blinks before I realize he just got in from Hell. So I ask him why he didn't call me. His response: YOU HAVE MY PHONE! I calmly ask him why he didn't call his phone from his office phone. Silence. He grins a little abashedly. He responds: BECAUSE YOU HAVE MY PHONE! And I didn't think about it...